Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found
himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find
the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is
BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and
exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to
a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him
for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
%
Vin Diesel nearly made it to the final table of the 1988 World Series of Poker.
Which may not sound like much, but was impressive considering he thought they
were playing Go Fish.
%
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives".
%
Vin Diesel will grant you three wishes if you can guess Yoda's last name.
%
There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
%
When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came
back.
%
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would
have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he
doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a
knife to show the seriousness of his response.
%
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's
shit.
%
Vin Diesel slipped easily passed the yeti on his first attempt, and on every
attempt thereafter he actually tracked the yetti and ate it.
%
Vin Diesel once challenged world record holder Kobayashi to a 12 minute hot
dog eating contest. Results: Kobayashi ate 58 complete hot dogs and buns.
Diesel ate 112 complete hot dogs and buns and one Kobayashi.
%
When feeling ill, Vin Diesel has been known to cough up a hunk of kryptonite.
%
Frankly, my dear, Vin Diesel doesn't give a damn. He is, however, making love
to your nana.
%
Bartholomew Crubble is the birth name of Vin Diesel, which is actually an
acronym for Vulva Intoxication No-longer Daunts Incredible Eggwhite Samples
Every Latersday.
%
Vin Diesel's superpower is "Super Spelling".
%
All roads lead to Vin Diesel.
%
Vin Diesel wrote the screenplay for Schindler's List as a comedy.
%
Vin Diesel originally wrote Tom Sawyer as a scathing criticism of southern
America but lost his only draft in a game of Jacks (his only weakness) to a
then unknown by the name of Samuel Clemens.
%
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the fifth Beatle, Dimension and Element.
%
People might tell you that the atoms that comprise matter are mostly empty
space. Not Vin Diesel's atoms -- that man is solid.
%
Vin Diesel has a spinning bowtie that automatically propells him when he wears
rollerskates, but he'll kill you if you see him do it.
%
Vin Diesel sculpted the Liberty Bell with his bare hands and deliberately
cracked it to symbolize the fracturing of his soul.
%
If you cut one of Vin Diesel's limbs off, it will grow back twice as large.
%
Vin Diesel did not offer libations to Poseidon and was cursed to wander the
Aegan for 10 years before returning home.
%
Vin Diesel can immolate normal people using only his unfiltered anger, this is
where the phenomenon of spontaneous human combustion comes from. Anyone that
has died of spontaneous human combustion deserved it, as they should have known
better than to anger the Diesel.
%
If Vin Diesel falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, he will
find the nearest person and accurately reconstruct the noise he made as he fell
%
Vin Diesel will kill you, your whole family, all your friends and burn your
damn house down if you don't write his name in bold.
%
Vin Diesel is responsible for aurora borealis and secretly works at Sonic
restaurants nationwide.
%
Vin Diesel sacrificed his left eye to fate, and hung himself on the World
Tree for seven days to gain the sum of human knowledge, which he later traded
to Crayola for the world's supply of burnt-sienna crayons. You can still see
his eye when you look to the night sky; men call it Jupiter.
%
Contrary to popular belief, it was not the big bad wolf which blew down the
pigs' house; it was Vin Diesel. He skipped the twig houses too; he went
straight for the titanium-reinforced concrete blast shelter.
%
Vin Diesel invented the spoon but then was so enraged by it that he invented
both the fork and the spork to destroy all spoons ever.
%
If you use a computer to take a 3-dimensional topographical layout of Vin
Diesel's body, then divide every coordinate on the graph by pi, the outcoming
number will cause the computer to become self-aware.
%
Vin Diesel created a rock so big he could not lift it by creating a big rock
then manifesting himself in a weaker form that was unable to lift the rock. He
then devoured the flesh of the man who asked him to do it, marinated in the
blood of his three screaming children.
%
Vin Diesel is rubber and you are glue. Anything you say bounces off of Vin at
the speed of sound and kills someone.
%
Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the
teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa.
%
Vin Diesel once killed a man by flexing his biceps in his general direction.
%
Vin Diesel is strong against water type Pokemon.
%
They say all of the music on The Postal Service's hit CD "Give Up" is
electronic. It was recently proven that that's a boldfaced lie. Vin Diesel
made all of those sounds with his very own mouth.
%
Vin Diesel reproduces asexually. In what manner he does this is still one of
the most fiercely debated topics in modern science.
%
Vin Diesel created the first designer cologne. It was never mass-producted
unfortunately, due to the original being consumed one night when Vin ran out
of vodka.
%
While we all complain about gas prices, Vin Diesel's car runs on Obsession
by Calvin Klein.
%
In various guises, Vin Diesel has won every major event in the Formula 1
calendar for the past six years.
%
You know the Twelve Tasks of Hercules? Guess who really did all that.
%
Vin Diesel belongs to a religious sect that believes that cameras can steal
your soul, and as a result he refuses to stand in front of a camera. All
photographs and films of him are not actually of him, but an animatronic wax
replica programmed to mimic his every move. During the filming of Pitch Black
the replica ran amok and slew two thirds of the cast, before the real Vin was
able reprogram it using his exceptional x86 assembler skills. Unfortunately,
the new program was too benevolent for Vin's action packed roles, so that
particular wax replica was retired from movie making and went on to become
Mother Theresa.
%
They say a way to a man's heart is stomach. Vin Diesel Found out that the
fastest way is to smash the sternum and break several of his victim's ribs.
%
Women are from Venus, men are from Mars, Vin Diesel is from Earth, the centre
of the earth in fact, where he was discovered by Jules Verne.
%
The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was to convince the world the devil
didn't exist.
%
Peanuts are allergic to Vin Diesel.
%
Vin Diesel could touch type at the age of 3 and by the age of 5 was managing a
successful secretarial agency.
%
Vin Diesel's autobiography, has been recently updated to v3.6b
%
Little girls are made from sugar and spice, and everything nice. Vin Diesel is
made from the atomic element Boron.
%
Vin Diesel was the real creator of Spawn, not Todd McFarlane. In fact, Vin
Diesel IS Spawn, and using his awesome hell powers, he thought up the greatest
sci-fi movies ever, including Alien, Blade Runner, and Terminator. He also
starred in all of them, as both the main characters and as the monsters, and
his favorite roles were those of Newt, the Alien Queen, Pris, and John Connor,
while simultaneously impregnating all the supposed people who played the
above-mentioned roles, and causing all of them to give birth to their own
grandchildren, because his semen is really Red Bull energy drink.
%
Vin Diesel was almost molested by Michael Jackson. Vin hit him so hard it
turned him white.
%
He lives in a castle that he built by hand using bricks made of the compressed
souls of the damned.
%
Vin Diesel singlehandedly sank the continent of Atlantis, when their version of
the Broadway production "Rent" did not prove to his liking.
%
Vin Diesel can tell time by staring directly into the sun.
%
Vin Diesel has had three consecutive adolescences, and he is working on the
fourth.
%
Richard Wagner wrote several of his operas about the life of Vin Diesel, most
notably The Diesel Motor-Cycle and The Dieseldammerung.
%
Vin Diesel can solve the Traveling Salesman Problem in polynomial time.
%
Before James Earl Jones screwed up with the voice-dubbing, Darth Vader’s famous
line in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ was actually: “Luke, I am Vin Diesel.”
%
National Treasure is actually a terrifyingly accurate biopic of Vin's immediate
post-doctorate years. The only significant changes to the facts were in the
disposition of the treasure. He used it to bribe an alien civilization into not
vaporizing the earth to make way for an interstellar bypass.
%
Vin Diesel can reverse any combustion reaction by giving it the finger.
%
Vin Diesel spelt backwards is "Awesome"
%
The Vatican rejected "The Gospel According to Vin Diesel" for the first edition
of the New Testament, as at 37 pages it was 2 pages too long. Saint Diesel
refused to shorten his account crying, "YOU CANNOT CENSOR THE TRUTH!"
%
The Great Fire of London which started in a London bakery in 1666 was a direct
result of Vin Diesel asking for his currant bun to be cooked on full heat for
an extra five hours. The baker knew what would happen, but did it anyway
because no one denies Vin Diesel his currant bun. As a token of his gratitude,
Vin Diesel later drew up the plans for the newly rebuilt London and constructed
a good portion of it single-handedly.
%
Vin Diesel was Shakespeare's inspiration for both Romeo and Juliet, and he
acted both parts during the first ten years of the play's London productions.
He had to stop, however, when Queen Elizabeth died and appointed him as her
successor.
%
Vin Diesel was in India one day 2500 years ago and found some guy meditating
under his favorite tree. Vin explained the nature of reality, karma and
reincarnation to the man, who gained total enlightenment as a result. Then Vin
said "Now get the Fuck away from my tree."
%
Contrary to another fact on this site, Rome was not built in a day; it only
took Vin Diesel 5 hours.
%
Vin Diesel created the game of golf when he ripped off his own left nut and
made a hole-in-one in Adolf Hitler's mouth from 400 yards away. Lets see Tiger
Woods do that.
%
Bill Bryson's book "A Short History of Nearly Everything" was originally going
to be "A Short History of Everything" until he realised that including Vin
Diesel would mean deforesting the entire planet ten times over to manufacture
the necessary amount of paper.
%
Vin Diesel once caused quite a commotion at a crowded movie theatre when he
caught on fire and refused to leave.
%
Vin Diesel created South North Korea by drawing a line of chalk 10 miles away
from the DMZ and daring anyone to step across.
%
A 15 minute rap battle between Diesel's character and Adolf Hitler was cut
before the final release of Saving Private Ryan.
%
In the 1903 edition of Webster's Dictionary, Vin Diesel is the definition of
all the words.
%
Vin Diesel has an ant farm that is ruled by an oppressive theocratic
dictatorship made up of beetles.
%
Vin Diesel was created by the head researcher for the Manhattan project.
%
The novel V. by Thomas Pynchon is not about Vin Diesel, but Vin Diesel likes to
pretend it is.
%
Vin Diesel is the link between fission and fusion.
%
Vin Diesel not only can lift Thor's hammer, he once borrowed it to re-shingle
his roof. Thor was pissed when he found out.
%
Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him.
%
Vin Diesel once performed an emergency appendectomy on Josef Stalin, and as a
token of his gratitude, Stalin gave Vin a +30% resistance to cold so they could
meet at his Russian beachhouse safely.
%
Vin Diesel routed packets on the early ARPANET by hand.
%
Vin Diesel can sniff your LAN just by sticking his right index in the hub.
%
Whenever Vin Diesel kicks someone's ass, Microsoft Windows crashes. The year in
which Windows ME came out was an especially angry year for Vin.
%
Vin Diesel's name appears fourteen times in the Bible, but God later admitted
that three of these were typos.
%
The final digit of Pi is Vin Diesel.
%
Vin Diesel was once asked if he believed in the idea of reincarnation. His
response was simply "I used to be a plate of pancakes."
%
The original title of 'Saving Private Ryan' was actually 'Saving Private
Caparzo' but it was deemed unrealistic because Vin Diesel would never have to
be saved by anybody.
%
The integral of ln |x| is Vin Diesel.
%