Homer : vous étiez dans une école de ploucs Lenny (faché) : tu dis ça uniquement parce qu'il y avait une majorité de ploucs. % Homer : ce cheval à intéret à gagner ou on ira à l'usine d'aliments pour chiens... et il aura pas le droit de venir. Lenny : c'est sympa mais on ne sait pas tout voir en une fois % On vient de fonder la plus grande démocratie au monde alors fous le camp sale roturier ! -- Independance Day, version Simpsons % Lisa: Thank you, Mr. President. Bill Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa. For teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true. Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson. Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president. % Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son." % Abraham: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star. % Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy. Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up. % Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. % Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend. % Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay] Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.' % Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff. % Lenny: So then I said to the cop, "No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk." % Homer: [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! % Homer: Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield. Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1978 when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away. % Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer? % Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device! Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir? Mr.Burns: Precisely. % Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. % Mr. Burns: Woah, slow down there maestro. There's a *New* Mexico? % Marge: Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah! % Homer: I thought you were dead Mother Simpson: I thought you were dead Gravedigger: Dang Blasted! Isn't anybody in this dad-gummed cemetery dead? Hans Moleman: (popping out of coffin) I didn't want to make a fuss, but now that you mention it... % Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story. % Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2. % Grandpa: Now where's my card. OK, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian comittee for some reason, oh here it is. The Stone cutters. Homer: Yes thank you dad. Lets go!.... I'll take this communist one too! % Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps. Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out. % Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. % Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now! % Lenny: There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people. Carl: Vengeance isn't too bad either. % Homer: Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman. % Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? % Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant. % Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant Marge: Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother. Homer: C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU. Marge: Forget it! % Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: ........Where are we going? % Chief Wiggum: Ooh, and here, out of the mists of history, the legendary esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of a rabbit. % Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. % Chief Wiggum: Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city! % Homer: I've gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos. % Carl: You know I'm sick and tired of people assuming I'm good at basketball just because Im African American. (Slam Dunks the ball) % Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. % Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. % Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? % Cop: Are you crazy or just senile? Grandpa Simpson: A little from column A, a little from column B % (Speaking over emergency radio) Marge: Chief Wiggum? my husbands gone crazy and is trying to murder my family; OVER Chief Wiggum: oh, well thank good thats over, i starting to worry there.... % Marge: Homer, a man who called himself "you-know-who" just invited you to a secret "wink-wink" at the "you-know-what". You are certainly are popular now that you've become a Stonecutter. Homer: Oh, yeah. Beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night. It's wonderful, Marge. I've never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined. % Bart: Milhouse, what happened?! You were supposed to be watching the factory! Milhouse: I was watchin'. First it started to fall over, then it fell over. % Marge: I think you should do it, Homer, you might learn something new! Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive? Marge: That's because you were drunk! Homer: And how. % Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring? Bart: Milhouse has one. Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff... Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there. Homer: Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition. Bart: Well, I'm keeping this earring and you can't stop me. Homer: Oh ... I always thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced. Lisa: Can I? Homer: No. % Sea Captain: Arr, this be the yarrest river-goin' boat thar be. (boat sinks) Sea Captain: Arr ... I don't know what I'm doin. % Chief Wiggum: Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose % Sideshow Bob: Well, if it isn't my arch-nemesis Bart Simpson. And his sister Lisa to whom I'm fairly indifferent. % Mayor Quimby: Yes there is a comet and yes it is heading for our town. (Scattered clapping) You uh, don't need to applaud that. % Principal Skinner: That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms. % Ned Flanders: I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! % Lisa: I still believe in protecting animal's rights, but that still doesn't excuse what I did. I'm sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad. Homer: That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too. % Manager: Do you like children? Homer: What do you mean, all the time? Even when they're nuts? % Superintendent Chalmers: "Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don't have a place within an organized religion. % Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. % Bart: Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. % Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! % Marge: You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done. % Milhouse: We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. % At the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence awards show] Lisa: This award is the biggest farce I've ever seen. Bart: What about the Emmys? Lisa: I stand corrected. % Lisa: Wow, a secret staircase. But what do you do if someone wants a non-alcoholic beer? Apu: You know, it's never come up. % Lisa: Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece. % Kent Brockman: Good morning everybody, panic is gripping Springfield as giant advertising mascots rampage through the city. Perhaps it's just part of some daring new ad campaign, but what new product could justify such carnage? % Lisa: Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon. % Kent Brockman: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy just doesn't work. % Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! % Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave! % Mark Hamill: Luke, be a Jedi tonight! Just be a Jedi tonight! Mark Hamill & Chorus: Do it for Yoda, while we serve our guests a soda. Mark Hamill: Uh, and do it for Chewie and the Ewoks, and... err... all the other puppets... Mark Hamill & Chorus: Luke, be a Jedi tonight! % Mark Hamill: Homer use the for...the for... Homer: The force? Mark Hamill: No, the fork, use the fork! % Homer: English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England. % Homer: [sung to the Flintstones song] Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! [hits tree] % Homer: I've heard 'em all. "I like you as a friend." "I think we should see other people." "I no speak English..." Lisa: I get the idea. Homer: "I'm married to the sea." "I don't want to kill you, but I will." % Homer: God bless those pagans. % Lisa: And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase. Homer [breaks lamp]: D'oh! Bart: Aye Carumba! Marge: Hmmm. Flanders: Heidely-ho. Barney: burps Nelson: Ha ha! Burns: Ex-cellent! Lisa: If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. % Homer: Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places? Homer's Brain: Quiet. It might be you! I can't remember. Homer: Naw, I'm going to ask Marge. Homer's Brain: No, no! Why embarrass us both? Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins. % Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night. % Homer: Here are your messages: "You have thirty minutes to move your car." "You have ten minutes to move your car." "Your car has been impounded." "Your car has been crushed into a cube." "You have thirty minutes to move your cube." % Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely. % Homer: Is this episode going on the air live? June Velany: No Homer, very few cartoons are broadcast live. It's a terrible strain on the animator's wrist. % Homer: [correcting a superior officer] Nu-cu-lar. It's pronounced nu-cu-lar. % Homer: I'm not normally a religious man. But if you're up there, save me, Superman! % Homer: I'd like to read the following statement I just wrote, but I do it under *click* my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I am sorry for misleading you and I urge you to watch as many FOX shows as you can. So, in summary, NBC, bad. FOX, good. CBS, great. [someone shoots thrice] % Astrid Weller: Your husband's work is what we call "outsider art". It could be by a mental patient, or a hillbilly, or a chimpanzee. Homer: In high school I was voted most likely to *be* a mental patient, hillbilly, or chimpanzee! % Homer: Save me Jebus! % Spanish Guy: Here's your sugar, Simpson. Now you give us the money. Homer [leaving on raft]: That wasn't part of the deal! Spanish Guy [pulls out contract]: He's right! Who wrote this thing? % Marge : C'est pas la première fois que je t'entends dire ça. Homer : Oui mais c'est la première fois que je ne suis pas ivre... mort. % [La mort montre la tombe d'Homer à la télé] Homer : Malaimé de tout ? Nooon... [La mort remontre l'épitaphe] Homer : Malaimé de tous ? Noooooon... % Wiggum: Pour la cannette, vous faites le grand jeu, comme dans la série les Experts : analyse de labo, lampe bleutée, photo prise du point de vue de la victime... C'est ça... bien joué... de l'esbrouffe et pas de résultat. -- Les Simpsons S16 E 14 % Homer: Les gardiens sont sadiques et cruels. Un gardien: Il a raison, mais c'est plus fort que moi... Quand j'étais un petit garçon, mon père a été assassiné sous mes yeux... par moi :) -- Les Simpsons S16 E 14 % Lisa: Willie, vous semblez vous être résigné à vivre dans la misère. Willie: Ma famille on a l'habitude. Mon grand-père ben on l'faisait descendre dans la mine pour êtr' sûr qu'y avait pas d'danger pour les canaris. -- Les Simpsons S17 E 12 % [Lisa est poursuivie par un moufflon, cours, frappe chez Burns, lequel ouvre] Lisa: Bête furieuse ! Burns: Avorton libéral ! -- Les Simpsons S17 E13 % [Marge est amnésique suite à une chute, elle se réveille à l'hôpital] Marge: Mais qui êtes-vous, vous trois ? Homer: Haa, elle nous reconnaît pas. [se tourne vers le docteur] Qu'est-ce que vous avez fait à mon visage ? -- Les Simpsons S17 E20 % - Monsieur, je crois que le pouvoir vous a rendu fou. - Mais bien sûr ! Essayez de devenir fou sans pouvoir. C'est chiant, personne ne vous écoute. -- Les Simpsons, le film %